Blog Archives

What not to buy your children for Christmas.

Hi guys and girls

Today’s PSA is about common sense. Now it is called common sense as it is common. So most people have it. Unfortunately there are those “special” people who do not have this skill in knowing right from wrong and your friendly neighborhood ginger is here to help them with this.

Now we all know that Christmas is a hard time of year for parents. Yes the kids have their letters written and all seems well with the world as you sit back in your favorite chair with your cup of tea in hand as you read your darling child’s ever improving handwriting and you are filled with joy and pride in them…. Until you get to the letters G T A V. No four letter word been written by your darling has ever filled you with more dread. Well maybe one. You think to yourself. Jesus surely it cannot be that bad. You look up the reviews and they are glowing. 5 stars. Game of the year. A tour de force. Sure why not. Little Timmy turns it on for the first time and starts to explore this amazing world as you watch on Christmas morning. What. What is this? Is that man beating that girl with a bat? Surely not. Little Timmy what kind of bar are you in now? Oh a strip club. Well surely there is no. Yes yes there they are. The boobs and vaginas. WTF have I done. People always ask me if GTA V is that bad. Look at this picture below and you tell me.


Or this.


Or this.


Yes Mary it is that bad. Now put it down walk away and for god sake get 8-year-old Timmy Rocket League or FIFA.


Nerf. I love Nerf guns. My daughter and I play with them all the time. They are fun and fantastic. My daughter is 8. Would I buy her one at 4. Hell no. A four-year old with a gun is like giving a chain saw to a monkey. Yes they may not know how to work it but when they do you know it’s coming at your face. Now lets introduce the same 8-year-old to Nerf Rivals a new range for OLDER teenagers from Nerf. These are high velocity weapons and I mean weapons. I have been shot with one and it freaking hurts. Yes you can  buy a face mask but whats that going to do for your private bits. It even looks adult. It looks like a freaking paint ball gun on steroids. I love my daughter but do I trust her not to shoot me somewhere delicate with this. Hell no. Do I trust her not to shoot someone else or her brothers and sisters with this. Hell no. Should you buy this for less than a 14-year-old. Hell freaking No.


We all love drones. They are the big thing at the moment. Everyone wants a drone. Hell if America can have them I can have one too. Just less of the murder. Drones are fun and are fantastic for filming really cool and fun things or just doing flips. These things are awesome and I say that because I own 2 and love them. I am an adult. I know what I can and cannot do with these things. Kids on the other hand just want to play with these basically helicopters and have fun too. Just did you ever tell your child not to put their finger somewhere and they did it anyway. Well think of little Timmy (I have no idea why I keep calling this fictional child Timmy. Too much Timmy Time. I could have just called it Tammy or Jessica or any number of names. Hell Timmy it is. ) sticking their finger into the high spinning blades of an ever rotating blade of doom. Yep that fingers gone now Timmy because you didn’t listen to your father again. See what happens. No I shall not bring you to the hospital. Stop whining its only 2 litres of blood you have lost. I lost that when you were born. Drones are great but Jesus do not give it to a child. Teenagers can’t even be trusted with cars let alone helicopters.


Well this has been my PSA. Please listen and do not go asking your local toy store if GTA drones or Nerf is suitable for 3-year-old Jessica. The answer will forever be….. Get out of my shop you idiot.